Pride ‘with teeth’: A local artist flies her flag

The art shown above — a re-imagination of Optimus Prime as female, in the colors of the transgender flag — was created by local resident, artist, and volunteer Kaylan Rose as part of a collaborative Pride installation called “A Flag With Teeth,” on view at the Saint Joseph’s Arts Society (1401 Howard St.) through July 22. You have to schedule visits to see the gallery, but it’s quick and painless; just go here. The reflection below is a combination of Kaylan’s artist statement and material from an interview with Laura Wenus of the TL Voice.

I think of my struggle… 60 years of lies to myself and others. 

I have three sisters — I’m the youngest. All my life, since I can remember, I wanted to be one of them, one of the sisters. I swiped some of their clothing sometimes. In school, I pretended I was trying to pick up girls, but I was actually watching them put on makeup, learning. I had a lot of girlfriends. I was married twice to women. 

I always had a weird feeling, like I wasn’t living the right life. I think there’s a lot of people that don’t know what’s going on with them that turn to drugs. That’s why I used drugs and alcohol for so long.

During one of my stints in a men’s recovery program, I started learning how to do my nails and started putting on makeup. They just dealt with it, they thought I was a gay guy. I wasn’t. I stopped wearing men’s clothes. It just evolved on its own.

For a time, I received care through a clinic where a lot of the staff were transgender. My therapist asked me: “Have you ever thought about taking hormones?” I said no, but that maybe I would. 

At the clinic, they called me Special K — because I was different than all of the guys there, even the gay guys. I looked up unisex names that are Irish, because I have Irish in me, and settled on Kaylan. I started using it at the clinic. They helped me change it legally. 

I decided to do the hormones, and within one month, I developed. The feeling after I got my first shot was like, “I’m home. This is what I’m supposed to feel like.” Mentally, it was a huge weight lifted off.

All those years of hiding and dodging hateful bullets, living in the shadows, hoping not to be seen for who I felt I was… Now, at 69 (though I’ve only lived in this more authentic way for two years), I feel powerful in my rebirth, with a great desire to stand up for myself and my new community.  

I want to do more. At the program where I volunteer, I greet people, I’m kind of an ambassador. There’s been times I’ve been super depressed, but the minute I open the gate and see everybody, I completely forget about that. I really want to work with the trans community, recovery work maybe, because I have so much lived experience. I’ve even toyed with the idea of starting my own nonprofit.

I feel like coming out strong, guns a-blazing, fighting for the simple right to be!